Hawai'i #2

Feb 27, 2008 Aloha Chapter Two – The Punchline: “A Little Cuddle” or Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Electronic Communications, Boo

From Hilo we took our trusty saviour of a rental car through Volcano National Park, stopping periodically to admire volcanic craters, steam vents, the unnerving beauty of utter devastation and took a walk through a scarily claustrophobia-inducing lava tube. I hated it in there, but emerged confident that Pele would someday exact her revenge upon Boo and his ilk. We continued south around the island, stopping for lunch at a place called the Shaka Restaurant whose sign announced that they were the most southern bar in the USA, inspiring us to call the unpronouncable town it was in Boomshakalakalaka-Boomshakalakalaka.(In fact, now we call all the towns and streets we can't pronounce - i.e. most of them - Boomshakalakalaka-Boomshakalakalaka.)

And arrived in Kailua-Kona around four and checked into the Royal Kona Resort, which has a wonderful past-it's-prime, slightly seedy feel to it. It was clearly The Hip Place To Be back in, say, 1986. But, hey, the pounding surf is no more than 20 feet from our lanai & the price is quite reasonable. Y'know, for Hawaii. Watched an incredible sunset at a nice little outdoor restaurant/bar right next door called Huggos On The Rocks - I keep calling it Huggies - and then some live entertainment featuring little girls from a hula school doing dances and some breathtaking scantily-clad young men that compelled Megan to wonder aloud if they were on the menu.

This morning we did a little laundry, booked a snorkel trip on a catamaran for tomorrow morning & the luau for tomorrow night, had a delicious breakfast at the afore mentioned Huggos, shopped a bit, chatted with some locals, one of whom told us about a fabulous place to watch the sunset that he called "the end of the world". He was supposed to meet us there, but we got stood up. Probably for the best, I suppose....he was just my type: looked like he needed a bath, a square meal, and possibly bail money. I may have grown up, but my taste in men has not. Still, I'm going looking for him again tomorrow.

After getting stood up at sunset - though it was not at all a wasted trip, the place he directed us to was just fucking spectacular - we went to dinner. And here's the really fun part....

My cell phone rang during dinner and looking at it & seeing it was Boo again, I declined to spoil my very nice chunk of prime rib and answer it. When I checked my voicemail later, I was amused and appalled to hear a conversation between Boo and a friend of his that he clearly had no idea was being recorded for eternal posterity. I deeply wish I had the technological savvy to upload it here, but lacking that, Megan and I made a transcript:

Boo: They liked my friends, I mean they were really impressed with my friends, it was me that, uh...
Boo's friend (presumably a guy named Andrew who Boo said would tell us about Maui, our next stop): It was you that they disliked...
Boo: Yeah, just 'cause I wanted to cuddle a little, cuddle with a 28-year-old, or whatever, how old she was.
Friend: Is that how old she is? 28?...(unintelligible)
Boo: Yeah, yeah, I think she's that old.
Friend: I thought she was...how old is your niece?
Boo: My niece is in her 40's.
Friend: Oh, ok...
Boo: They're, they...they don't want any guy to fuck 'em.

END TRANS

Oh, and just for the record....we'd love some guys to fuck us. Y'know, if we could find some that aren't total fucking sexist pig assholes. Aloha, y'all!

Knowledge is free
We are Anonymous
We are legion
We do not forgive
We do not forget
Expect us